


Innocence Lost

by Sigurdjarlson



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I've always wanted to explore Rumplestiltskin and Regina's weird dynamic, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Swan Queen is implied but not really ever said outright, and the role he played in shaping her into the Evil Queen, implied golden queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 16:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4066969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sigurdjarlson/pseuds/Sigurdjarlson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma ponders the memories she's gained after becoming the dark one. They're all haunting but some more then others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Innocence Lost

The young girl in Rumplestiltskin’s memories haunts Emma the most. She’s beautiful, no more than eighteen years of age when he comes to her. She’s a broken and weak little thing in his mind but Emma knows better, she's always been strong. Still she has the potential he needs and maybe just maybe he can forge her into the weapon he needs. Her mother was strong so maybe she could be too.

He watches her face when she talks about her husband. He knows exactly what’s happening to her but he says nothing. There's nothing he could do even if he cared enough to help her. It’s simply the way of the world he tells her when she tells him she doesn't want to marry the king. She weeps every time she comes back to her bedchambers after the king is done with her and in a moment of fury she tells him she wants to burn the whole kingdom down. 

He could help her but he won't. This is the rage he needs from her. Instead he tells her how she can use her body as a weapon, as a tool for survival and persuasion. The king will be more likely to treat her well if she pleases him when he calls for her. He runs his fingers over her cheek and tells her that beauty and charm could be just as much of a weapon as a sword and shield. The girl stares at him with dead eyes and listens to every word he says. Emma has never hated Rumplestiltskin more.

There’s no room for pity in his mangled excuse for a heart but he’ll teach this girl everything he knows. Months go by and there begins to be affection for her underlying his thoughts and memories but it’s conditional, always conditional. Emma starts to realize that this girl has never known unconditional love, not from anyone even her own mother. That's not the case anymore however. Emma would make the same sacrifice for her a hundred times over and she can't help but wonder if Regina realizes that now.

And she remembers a young girl holding a unicorn’s heart in her hand. She wants to cry, her eyes are brimming with tears as she holds it in her hands. “It’s an innocent.” she protests. Rumplestiltskin sighs because he knows he's going to have to rip that weakness from her one way or another. She almost reminds him of Baelfire and the thought angers him as well as strengthens his resolve.

“Nothing is innocent.”

She’ll learn that soon enough. He tells her to leave all the while knowing that she will come back to him. Later, she holds a woman's heart in her hands and she crushes it in front of him. Rumplestiltskin smiles and Emma Swan does not.

The girl is older now and she’s stronger now because of these lessons. One night she tells him about how she daydreams about ripping her husband’s heart out and his awful daughter’s too. He simply smiles and tells her to be patient. That day will come. She will have her revenge and he will have his son.

He often thinks about her in less innocent ways once she’s a woman grown. His hands linger a little too long sometimes and so does his gaze. She's beautiful and there is no denying that but still it makes Emma feel sick to her stomach. Nothing ever happens between them and for that Emma is thankful. She knows where they are holding him and he'd never wake again if she saw that he touched her. 

The king dies and Rumplestiltskin is not the least bit surprised. Snow White weeps for her father and the girl rejoices in her new found freedom and her victory. It’s none of his business and he doesn't care at all but he’s glad the bastard’s dead. Emma is too. 

She wonders if Snow knows the truth about her father. Then she remembers Snow smiling as she tells her about her grandfather. No, either she doesn't realize the truth or she doesn't want to believe it. Emma knows the latter option is more likely. She remembers other things too now like how Regina gets that look in her eyes that dead look when Snow mentions him and Emma starts to wish she could have killed the man herself. 

The girl grows cold and hard as the years go by. She encases herself in jewels, feathers and furs and she wears them not unlike a knight wears his armor. She’s a force of nature, devastating and unforgiving, a hurricane. It's an apt metaphor, she destroys everything and anything in her path including herself. 

Before long the commoners crown her the Evil Queen. He tells her that they will never love her and she lashes out at him like a wounded animal. Again she leaves and just like before she returns to him once she realizes he's right. She should have known better. For who could ever love a monster? Eventually she comes to wear the moniker with pride. She’s a monster just like him and he loves and hates her for it all at once. If he had the heart for it he would almost be proud of her. 

The girl hunts her former step-daughter with a rage and cruelty that rivals his own. She claims it’s her fault Daniel died and maybe it is. A child's mistake but a deadly mistake nonetheless. Either way, they both know it’s never been about Snow White. It’s always been about that little girl weeping in her bedroom and asking Rumplestiltskin to teach her a healing spell just so she doesn't have to look at the bruises on her hips any longer. Snow White has always been a conduit for that fury. She takes it out on her as well as the rest of the world because all that rage and pain has to go somewhere. 

She lashes out at him too. Sometimes he thinks about killing her after his plans come into fruition and she’s no longer useful to him. He never does and it's not just because his plans eventually go awry. He isn't in love with her but he does love her in his own twisted way and she loves him too albeit very grudgingly. Still, that doesn't mean she’s safe from him. No one is, not even his own creation. Baelfire could testify to that. That doesn't stop them from making each other miserable and yet they never truly hold it against the other. Rumplestiltskin doesn't at least. Regina harbors more anger towards him than she realizes but it isn't for his more recent actions. Still, she grieves when she thinks he’s dead and sometimes she looks at him with fondness in her eyes. Other times she looks at him like she wants to tear him apart and leave him for the crows. 

Emma wonders if it’s some sort of Stockholm syndrome. He was never her captor but..she never truly had a choice in the matter did she? Her freedom was always an illusion. He had been playing with them all like puppets for years. Cora's role in her daughter's story was another matter entirely. 

Still, he meant it when he said he wanted her to find her happy ending. She throws that back in his face later when he’s holding her captive and he simply tells her that his fondness for her has its limits. He will always care for himself more; he's a selfish creature by nature. In response she ends up plucking that magic quill from his fingers and leaving him for dead. He's not angry with her even as he nears his "death" 

He knows he deserves it. 

Emma agrees.


End file.
